1.1.17

It is really hard to do what I do, feeling how I feel.

I hate my face. I hate my body. I don't want to accept it as it is because the thought of myself never being able to get out of this disgusting mess is suicidal

And the fact that I need to take hundreds of photos of myself per month, looking at thousands of hundreds of pictures of myself on google search, is not helping me get any better.

I don't understand why, people make online bashing an acceptable matter.  Imagine your girlfriend, your sister, your mother being called a whore or an ugly bitch on social media sites. Do you feel rage? Do you feel unfair? Do you feel like it is a totally unnecessary meanest thing ever?

Now, imagine me being online. I am also a girlfriend, a sister, i am just not your mother. So i don't deserve respect, I got nothing to do with you. You can call me whatever you want, because I got a million followers more than you so I no longer deserve a decent respect.

Nice.

Funny how they say I should "get used to it". You can slap me 1,2,3,4,5 times, it is still going to hurt the same on the number sixth slap.

I spend days and nights staring at my body. Mirror, and black mirror. It's crazy how I hate hate hate my elbows but I know how to pose it in 1,2,3,4,5 different ways to make it look slightly better

I tell you, it is unhealthy to know exactly how your elbows look like in every possible  angles

Someday i woke up and I just want to crawl out of life but I crawl out of bed instead, put on make up and take some selfies.

I fucking hate myself

And I no longer have the rights to say that either. You, you are so cool, you can say that all you want and no one bats a damn eye, but I do it and I am a negative, attention seeking bitch.

Because You decided to follow me, I, now have the responsibility to make You feel good, to guide You in life, to influence goodness on You, You, You

Too fat. I want to cut all the fats out. Don't forget to photoshop the cuts off later, I don't want to be reported for promoting self harm now, do I?


Wake up, make up. Fake it, make it. Be numb, don't crumble.

2 comments:

  1. You're beautiful. Life will get easier. I promise!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tận cùng của đêm đen là nắng vàng rực rỡ
    Tận cùng của bóng tối sẽ có vầng Quang minh
    Chị hãy tự tin lên nhé.

    ReplyDelete