3.8.14

 it is really difficult to do what i do while hating yourself. i wish i can share and i can talk about this but every time i try it never comes out right. i hate my face. i hate my nose my teeth my awful skin. and i am still fighting a long (probably lost) battle with loving and owning my body.

 every single day when i look at my blog, my insta, look at this million pictures of me online... this feeling me of wanting to delete everything rise up . I struggle between wanting to be “there” and wanting to disappeared at the same time.

  don’t get me wrong, i love fashion, i love blogging, and i love that my job that pays the bills is the one i love doing.. but still i keep feeling “wrong”. feel like my face is wrong, that my life is wrong, that everything is wrong. i’m torn and struggling and tomorrow i still have to look good in pictures and that kinda sucks

6 comments:

  1. oh my god dear, if you only could see yourself thru my eyes.. You're flawless!! And I love your blog cuz you're cool as hell. ♥

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  2. GG, you have no idea how much love i have for you bc youre really a strong girl and youre PRETTY, UNIQUE,CUTE and everything i wanna be <3 your fashion is rad too ^>^ ily so much <3333 *hugs*

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  3. I've struggled with not liking how I looked like for quite a time aswell; but then I read something on the internet, that said :each morning when you look in the mirror, look first to the part of you which you find beautiful; so I started doing it. And I felt better in some time, 'cause you may think that you don't like anything in yourself, but if you look for the best before the bad, you'll see things better.

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  4. It's almost reassuring to hear you say that because you seem so flawless that it's comforting to know you can feel insecure too! You are very inspiring and there is much more to what you do than just being beautiful. Beauty is relative and it's wonderful to see people like you pushing the boundaries of convention. I like you because you are brave and intelligent and sassy! and a million other things

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  5. she doesn't want to be complimented and called beautiful that doesn't change anything. she is tormented and mentally ill. this post is some real human shit amongst superficiality. i don't know who you are Plaaaaastic but it is possible to transcend your condition. because it is a mental condition. vanity is the hallmark of the meek and powerless. They cry for a good opinion of themselves beacuse they are unable to set their own value. This mentality is a result of a slave morality, people with this condition know they do not deserve praise yet they believe it when they are praised by the master since they have not the abilities to create value. Vanity is a consequence of inferiority. this inferiority is an illusion. you're looped in this narrow perspective and it prevents you from being who you really are. the person that nobody knows and nobody ever praises because all they see is the pretty mask you create which is superficial and an illusion. get out away and find a new perspective. these flawed people around you do not help as you are all equally alone and suffering

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    Replies
    1. You may have given diagnosis, but not the method of treatment. I'm a studying psychologist so I know what I'm talking about both myself and others I know have worked through this mental illness. Don't feel daunted by the word mental illness it's very common.

      You can get past this by (as already mentioned) pointing out the good things you see about yourself. First just write out one thing, and let the list grow each time you do it. However if you would like to try another method of treatment see a counsellor. Hope this helps.

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